Love Is Old School, Apparently!

In almost all Indian movies, the hero does sweet things to impress the heroine. He flirts around initially, tells her how beautiful she looks, bonds with her friends/relatives, follows her everywhere, even as she warns that the next police station is like 2 minutes away, writes poems for her, buys her pretty things, gets on one knee and pleads for her acceptance, surprises her, cries over her and in some cases even takes his life for her. Well, as much as I am aware that movie and real life are entirely different things, I cannot help but wonder how relationships have changed over time.

The change I am talking about is what you and I observe every day, but we are too ultramodern to talk about it.
Allow me to ask something before talking about this change. How many Devdases have you come across in real life in the past five years? I am guessing maximum one but barely any. Why? Well, everyone has options, my friend!

You are not dictated to stick through any relationship. All you have to do is find someone who does say “Yes!”.

Okay, what if it doesn’t work out? You split up and move on with your lives because who has the time for crying over one stupid fight. You whisper to yourself, “That madcap is someone else’s headache now” and part ways. I have to agree that this trend is welcoming. The fact that guys who previously used to obsess over girls are moving on after a breakup and focusing on something else is in fact very refreshing. All is good, but what bothers me is how reckless we are in handling people. It’s like we don’t even try anymore because apparently there is no necessity for it. Got a dating app? You’re good to go. Somebody who has swiped right on you (In the dating application terms – It means the person looking at your profile is interested in you) has already shown their liking for your profile.

That’s all it takes. One right swipe.

This famous proverb “Great things do not come easy” is so effing true. We grew up watching our parents make up after every long fight. We know that relationships are baffling. All these couples that we see celebrating double digit anniversaries have definitely shared questionable moments where they nearly broke up. It’s all based on the simple fact that nobody is perfect. When we knew something is not the way we wanted, we waited patiently and we made compromises, all in the name of love. I think it’s safe to say all that flakiness is gone.

We have arrived at a stage where we ridicule people for staying put through long distance relationships, for taking effort to convey their passion for their partner, for staying loyal, for believing in forever, for people getting hitched because the concept of commitment is so old fashioned all of a sudden. I weep for all of humanity.

How are we supposed to live in a world that only believes in ephemeral relationships? I am all about being fashion forward, but only in the stuff that does not lead to depression. Befriend anyone from the western countries and ask them if they actually enjoy modern dating. The answer to that question is “No”, at least the majority would tell you this. Therapists and Psychiatrists are having a ball in these so called developed countries. There are simply too many things to handle. We have long term commitment, open marriages, friends with benefits, living together, fuck buddies, one night stands, casual dating. There are also these wretched terms of playing with people’s feelings like Ghosting, Slow fade, Thirst trap, Cuffing season, Benching, Bread-crumbing, Lemming and Catch and release. Go ahead and google these, you know you want to. I can’t make up my mind over which one of this is worse than which, so I leave that judgement to you. Go nuts!

It’s all subjective. There, I said it. There might be people who enjoy not knowing where a relationship is headed and the freedom to walk away anytime they want is icing on the cake for some. It’s a lot like asking someone, how do you like your morning coffee. Some like it dark, some like it with a lot of milk, some need extra sugar, some only like the smell of caffeine and there are some who do not like it at all.

It’s all about perspectives and no one is to judge. True.

While we are on the subject of perspectives, where do you stand on playing with people’s emotions? That girl with whom you were goofing around is going through a hard time because she is still human and kind of sort of developed feelings for an immature heartless lunatic like you. That guy you turned down after finding Mr. Rich-six-pack-asshole, is bawling his eyes out for a vicious cold girl like you. It’s not like you weren’t aware of what you are getting yourself into.

What’s the point of dating if you knew there is no future?

You are obligated to find a similar spiritless person so you leave all the nice people out of this. To not toy with people’s hearts like it’s a freaking tennis ball is a decent expectation for the society to have over you. The last I checked we were all still humans.

We mock the Indian culture every opportunity we get but if you think about it, our ancestors had a much more peaceful, chaos free lifestyle even though they were forced into an arranged marriage. They didn’t choose their partners, but they had long lasting relationships with fewer complications. It’s nice how we have all this technology helping us connect better, but what is the point? I am not denying that it’s more fun this way while you cannot also deny that you will reach a point where ‘having a good time’ is not enough. Love is all that helps us survive. Nothing else will.

All of you who went through a breakup, take a bow. I adore you. You felt something so deep for someone that it was hard when they left; you loved like you are supposed to and you gave it all and that’s a very rare thing in this world. Its people like you because of whom the world is still a warm place. Do not ever feel like you can’t find true love. It’s out there and will find you much sooner than you think. Hang in there. Those of you who feel the same way I do, welcome to the real world where opinions do not matter. Ha!

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